Just reposting this with some great pictures i took in a bathroom in Vegas.

 

A urinal is really a wonderful thing

It’s really a breeze when a leak do you spring

No seat or covers, paper or tissues

If you need it over there, you have some issues

But with great power comes great responsibility

There are rules to follow when you use the facility

Laws, a code that can’t be broken

A code so strong that it is never spoken

It’s something you’re born with, something so right

The main point is, it can never get too tight

Always leave a buffer between you and your friend

Just in case one of your heads happens to bend

That’s a situation that’s just not right

Especially if your friend experiences excite

If there is no buffer space on hand

Use a stall, hold it in or for g-d’s sake drip in your pants

Just remember to never break the unspoken rule

Because doing so is not a crime but it’s just plain cruel

Don’t ever compromise this little decree

Or you’ll find out the consequences just wait and see

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To the love of my life on Valentine’s Day

I’d like to sing your praise if I may

You worship the ground that I walk on

You make sure my worries are long gone

You raise me up when I am down

You make me turn around my frown

You give me hope when there is no other

And I forgive you for cheating with my brother

I know it was an accident and it won’t happen again

Not like the time I walked in on you and my buddy in the den

That happened a few times but I know people can change

And all you need is your priorities to arrange

But all in all being with you has been the best time of my life

And I don’t care that you happen to be someone else’s wife

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Get away you crazy bitch

You are nothing but an annoying itch

You follow me around all day

I just want you to go away

You sit outside my home and wait

For me to come out and get caught on your bait

But that is not going to fly

Because if I had the choice, I would rather die

I hate you more than anything on this globe

I would rather get a regular anal probe

You prevent me from living my life

And that is why I bought this knife

Now I have a new found vanity

I’m just waiting for a dose of temporary insanity

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Valentine’s is such a complicated day

You have to follow rules which force you to pay

For chocolate and flowers and hallmark cards to boot

You have to go out for dinner and even put on a suit

You try to be so romantic but it’s just a show

It’s ok because everybody is doing it and everybody knows

When you’re in a relationship, you are trapped in a cage

You and your significant other better be on the same page

Otherwise the differences will cause a fight

And you will end up screaming at each other through the night

But the best thing in the world about being single

Is that you can keep your options open and always mingle.

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Hey sweet cheeks, here’s to today

The day I make your dreams come true and take you far a way

Away from this cold and terrible world we live in

To a place so far gone no one will know your sin

The sin you hide and wish would be forgotten

The one that you committed, the one you call so rotten

Then you will live in complete peace and quiet

And no one will know, you cheated on your diet

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A parody of the Friends Theme Song “I’ll Be There For You”.

So no one ever told you how much time you’d waste each day

So many shows to watch your time just slips away

It’s like you’re always stuck down on your rear

Well, you haven’t gone outside in a week, a month or even a year

But TV will be there for you, when work needs to get done

TV will be there for you when you could be out having fun

TV will be there for you because you’re stuck to it too

You get no sleep at night because the shows never stop

Late night talk shows and old sitcoms that really rock

And infomercials for a knife to cut through your shoes

At 3 AM no matter what is on, you seem to be amused

But TV will be there for you, when work needs to get done

TV will be there for you when you could be out having fun

TV will be there for you because you’re stuck to it too

No one could ever show me, the programs TV shows me

Seems like my whole life is sitting in front of the TV

Something to face the day with, make it through all the rest with,

Something I’ll always laugh with, even at my worst, I’m best with TV

It’s like you’re always stuck down on your rear

Well, you haven’t gone outside in a week, a month or even a year

But TV will be there for you, when work needs to get done

TV will be there for you when you could be out having fun

TV will be there for you because you’re stuck to it too

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My Mom says that I shouldn’t beg on the site for beer and food

But every time someone buys me a beer, it puts me in a good mood

Mom, understand, I have a website, I’m not out on the street

And working for food and beer is no easy feat

In all truth, I don’t really always buy beer with the money

But just hearing your reaction is really quite funny

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We Want To Make Some Money (Parody of We Didn’t Start The Fire by Billy Joel. If you’re not completely familiar, take a look at the music video, it’s always been a favorite of mine.)

We work hard every day, make our money, get our pay

9 to 5 to pay our bills but at the end we’re broke

 

Something’s wrong with the world today, why is it that poor we stay

While others make the money and get richer all the time

 

There must be some secret trick, to get money make it stick

Keep it in your bank account and watch it start to grow

 

I’m going to learn it all, learn the secrets, play ball

Make some money, keep the money, retire with the dough

 

 

We want to make some money

We want to get rich fast and then we’ll make it last

We want to make some money

Yes we want it quick but not a scam or trick

 

 

Books all say the same thing, financial freedom is what they sing

Save now, invest now, pay yourself first

 

Stock market, real estate, build a business, never wait

Passive income is what you need, gotta build the thirst

 

Forget employee, specialist, building a business is what’s best

Have people work for you, then the big bucks you accrue

 

Find a mission, build a team, work hard, play the game

Make money big time, more than you can handle

 

 

Chorus

 

 

Invest in some real estate, buy and flip, celebrate

Roll it over, 1031 like monopoly is lots of fun

 

4 green houses for a red hotel, rent them out then make the sale

Foreclosures and REO get them all to cash flow

 

Read the paper, read a book, read some blogs, take a look

Make a plan, follow well, learn how to buy and sell

 

Take it in your own hands invest your money take a stand

Trade stocks, mutual funds, personal loans and government bonds

 

 

Chorus

 

 

If you want to stay safe, max out your 401k

Add to it pre tax and hope the market doesn’t crash

 

Compound interest is your friend, to the bank you will lend

Add to it every week, in 40 years you’ll be free

 

Work hard all your life, saving money is your strife

Retire young, get paid, what else do I have to say

 

 

Chorus

 

 

Avoid scams on the net to your time, they’re a threat

Rich Jerk, MLM, pyramid schemes

 

Lottery, game shows, gambling money really blows

Falsified criteria, rich guy in Nigeria

 

Make money from your home, click on ads while you roam

Sell stuff on e-bay, bid it up then start to pray

 

Write a blog, write some more, get your adsense that’s for sure

All this work is such a chore, I can’t take this anymore

 

We want to make some money

We want to get rich fast and then make it last

We want to make some money

But time slips away each and every day and day and day…

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In spirit of Valentines day, here is an old favorite, fixed up for the occasion.

Oh, You’d better watch out,

You better think quick

You better buy some presents

I’ll teach you a trick

Your girlfriend is expecting a night on the town

 

She’s making a list,

And checking it twice

Whether you follow is whether she’s naughter or nice

Your girlfriend is expecting Valentine’s Day on the town

 

She knows where you live

She knows where you sleep

She knows what you do with your money

So spend it on her you stupid creep

 

Oh, You’d better watch out,

You better think quick

You better buy some presents

I’ll teach you a trick

Your girlfriend is expecting a night on the town

 

The lovers in girl and boy land

Exchange presents back and forth

And if you really value your life

You better give in or head for the door

 

With two dozen roses

And lots of stuffed bears

A big box of chocolates

All in the shape of a heart to show you care

Your girlfriend is expecting a night on the town

 

Oh, You’d better watch out,

You better think quick

You better buy some presents

I’ll teach you a trick

Your girlfriend is expecting a night on the town

If you enjoyed this poem please consider buying me a beer. Thanks.

Valentine’s Day is the greatest day of the year

The girls get candy and the lucky guys get beer

It’s a day to prove your love for someone, no matter what the cost

Because if you don’t, it will be your love that you lost

Shower your significant other with flowers and presents

But for the single girls, the day is one she resents

Some guys make their girls happy by buying them all kinds of stuff

Some guys make their girls really happy by putting up with all that fluff

For me, Valentine’s day is when my girlfriend treats me as cold as ice

Because I celebrate on February 15^th since the candy is half price

If you enjoyed this poem please consider buying me a beer. Thanks.