This Sucky Poem is dedicated to Jessica @unabarber for suggesting a sucky poem about nipple slips.

some top celebrity acrtress poses for pictures down the walk

and every reporter watching wants to have her for a talk

sometimes she acts politely and tells them all the news

and sometimes even unwillingly, she exposes one of her boobs

she promises it was unintentional and didn’t mean for it to happen

then why aren’t you covering up, you have a shirt to wrap in.

it’s never happened before, i usually use a clip

but nobody ever forgets the common nipple slip.

This Sucky Poem is dedicated to Kevin Muldoon @caoimghgin from New Haven for suggesting a sucky poem about dinosaurs in birthday hats.  Not sure where he came up with that one but I don’t ask these questions.

We all know many dinosaurs from Barney and Denver to Dino

Palaeontologists even found the Futalognkosaurus Dukei which is thought to be Latino

Some dinosaurs sing, some dinosaurs dance and some compete with the prehistoric cat (Flinstones)

but what we want to see is a dinosaur in a birthday hat.

I can just imagine in prehistoric times

all the dinosaurs celebrating birthdays with ice cream and pies

the carnivorous ones would still each each other

and the herbivores would just cuddle up with their brother

I got the picture in my head, it’s as clear as that

But I just can’t get the image out of my head of a dinosaur in a birthday hat

We don’t have to worry about that stuff or the missing link

Those guys are goners, they’re all bloody extinct.

*This poem is dedicated to Mick Campbell from Middlesbrough @MickDude for suggesting the topic of “how to fix a computer”.  You too can have a poem dedicated to you if you send @suckypoems a suggestion for a sucky poem on twitter.

Fixing a PC computer is actually quite complex

you have to do about a 101 different checks

it starts with checking tasks and seeing what’s running

and see what process your computer is shunning

then ending the process and see if it works

and then move on to find the other quirks

check your system and your firewall

then start a scan to send out a call

scan for viruses and spyware too

delete all of your downloads from the queue

uninstall programs that don’t seem to run

after all that you would think that you’d be done

repeat the processes above and see if it changes

click on the process column before it rearranges

if all else fails, here’s what to do

shut down the computer and start the session anew

that should work but if not

call tech support for help and then wait a lot

until some one picks up and tells you to do everything you already tried

when they finally tell you, your computer has died

but they have a special on computers this week

and you can own a new piece of junk courtesy of the squad of geeks

then you can buy a warranty that will cover any issue

but their warranty is what i use for bathroom tissue

with the warranty, they take your computer for several weeks

then give it back and tell you they completed some tweaks

but you notice that nothing has changed and it still has the trouble

now you’re left without a computer and your ticked off double

My suggestion to you is to take your computer back

then splurge a little and buy yourself a Mac

I remember my prom like it happened today

i went in style, i wouldn’t have it any other way

i got a stretched limo and a corsage for the girl

before going in, we took the limo for a whirl

I dressed in the fanciest Tux

It only cost me a couple hundred bucks

we danced, talked, laughed and spiked the punch

I had all my friends there and liked it a bunch

I was elected as king of the dance

it might have been because I looked so good in my flashy pants

oh wait, that wasn’t me

that was every prom movie i ever did see

I didn’t go to a prom and didn’t have that fun

but prom isn’t even that good anyway, right everyone?

Your limo is late and not as fancy as the ad

your corsage is half dead but that’s not even what’s so bad

you don’t have a date and you’re glued to the wall

when you finally get a dance, you happen to fall

the punch is really spike but you didn’t know

you get tipsy and let your ugly side show

You don’t win for king of the dance,

you want to be happy but just can’t

you rented a hotel room just in case

but at the end of the night, you don’t want to show your face

Just be happy prom is a one time thing

and you don’t have to deal with all this again until you pop the ring

If you’re looking to buy a nice tux,

then you are in luck

i just launched a shop

to buy a tux, its the top

you can get jackets, pants, shirts and a vest

but it’s the prices that you will like best.

This is just a cheesy ad for the new site

i’m hoping this poem will get me a few bites.

so if you need something nice to wear to your prom

save some effort and shop at www.tuxedocanada.com.

*note: to make up for this ad, i’ll try and post some sucky poems about prom.